


drink up

by allthelostsouls



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Explicit Language, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-02
Updated: 2015-08-02
Packaged: 2018-04-12 12:11:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4478798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allthelostsouls/pseuds/allthelostsouls
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Liam's great at keeping secrets, except when he's drunk. Which is most of the time because, apparently, he's only able to talk to Julie when vodka is involved.</p>
            </blockquote>





	drink up

**Author's Note:**

> Liam's not famous in this story.  
> I wrote this forever ago. I have too many one-shots like this and with original characters and tv characters and I think I'll post them all sometime. Gotta get to reading and editing and writing some more. Even when I know it's not that great, it still feels pretty damn good to be posting something finished.  
> And if you're reading this, thank you. You're wonderful.
> 
> D. xx

“People talk about holding their liquor

well I can’t even hold my own pain

I put it in poems and give it all away.” 

— Seth Morrow

♡

Liam looks at the empty bottle of vodka and knows the world’s ending.

It really isn’t but he’s not drunk enough yet and he tends to exaggerate things when he’s had too many drinks and still wants another and the alcohol is gone. He just got off of work so he’s late for the party and everybody’s about to pass out already and he just wants that too, you know? Just keep drinking until he has to lie down. The thing is, he hates hangovers so he tries to eat a lot and take painkillers before he falls asleep but most of all, he tries not to mix drinks. That way when he wakes up he doesn’t feel a thing. He always goes for the vodka and he couldn’t explain why, it’s just his drink. But the vodka’s gone and he’s so close to where he wants to be and it just sucks. He just needs a few more sips and to find a place to sleep and he’d be okay.

“Pssst,” he hears behind him but he doesn’t move until the voice says, “Liam!”

He turns around and finds the love of his life hiding under the table. He frowns because _what the hell is she doing there?_ And then she just smiles at him big before looking around. When she makes sure nobody’s looking, she puts a finger over her lips telling him to keep quiet and shows him half a bottle of vodka while gesturing him to get closer.

“Fuck yes,” Liam stumbles, and pretty much lets himself fall on the floor so he can crawl the rest of the way until he’s under the table with her, the tablecloth hiding them from the rest of the party.

“Hi,” she whispers and suddenly Liam feels like he’s just had three shots in a row, his head starting to spin.

“Hi, Julie,” he says back. He watches the way the corner of her lips rise a bit before having a drink straight from the bottle and that’s when he notices he has been staring at her mouth the whole time. “How long have you been here?”

“A while,” she shrugs. “I grabbed a bottle as soon as I came in and I hid here.”

“Why?” he laughs.

“I don’t feel really comfortable with these people,” she replies. “I’m just here because Eleanor forced me to. So I decided to take advantage of it,” she shakes the bottle in her hand and they both laugh for some reason. “I saw Zayn when I walked in so I was hoping you’d be here too.”

And yeah, Liam must be pretty drunk. He must be drunk off his ass and he’s already passed out and this is just a dream that soon he’ll have to wake up from because these things don’t happen in real life. They just don’t.

“Are you okay?” she ask him and no, he’s not okay because her hand’s squeezing his thigh and she’s leaning closer to try and see any sign of discomfort on his face and she smells like strawberries and vodka, and he just really wants to kiss her until they both sober up just so that they can drink a whole lot more and do it all over again.

“Am I dreaming?” he breathes and like, wow. That was kind of pathetic, Liam. But she starts laughing and he doesn’t care about looking pathetic at all.

“No, but I’m guessing you’ve had a lot to drink.”

“Not as much as I’d like to,” he confesses.

“I can fix that,” she smiles handing him the bottle.

Three long sips and he’s gone.

♡

Liam’s been in love with Julie for almost three years now.

His best friend, Zayn, has been in love with Julie for seven.

Liam and Zayn have been friends for eleven years. They’ve saved each other’s lives, they’re each other’s rocks, and they’re each other’s soul mates. Not in the romantic way (obviously) but in the way that they just work together, there’s something that clicks, and they’ll always be there for each other no matter what. So he can’t really tell his best friend ‘ _I’m in love with Julie. You had your chance and blew it, now back off._ ’ That’d be a dick move. Besides, the semester is almost over and then he won’t see her in the summer and then he’ll just pray to God she’s nowhere near his classes next semester and he’ll forget about her. He decides to start praying then, just in case. So it’s not really necessary to tell him or her the way he feels.

“Hi, Liam,” she greets him sitting across from him, and the book he was pretending to read falls on his lap. She laughs, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

And she’s right there. She’s smiling at him, waiting to have a conversation and it's hilarious, really, because he was just asking God to help him and instead of doing that and helping him avoid a situation like this, He leads her right to him and makes her sit down in front of him with the brightest smile he’s ever seen. So like, thanks for nothing.

“It’s okay,” he mumbles and picks up the book again.

“V,” he hears her say and looks up at her all confused but a second later he realizes she’s talking about the book. “A. C. Crispin.”

“Alien invasion,” he replies to a question that isn’t asked yet but he knows is coming. “They pretend to come in peace and slowly try to take over the world.”

“Sounds interesting, can I read it after you’re done?”

It takes him a while to respond to that because Zayn is always calling him a nerd for reading that kind of stuff and is always telling him he shouldn’t waste his time like that. Not just reading that kind of book but reading in general. He loved it so he wasn’t going to stop any time soon. On the other hand, the only thing Zayn reads is magazine articles about how to gain muscles so it’s not like he knows much about reading. It sounds worse than it is, really. He’s not a douche who only cares about pectorals and stuff; he’s just not much of a reader.

“They’re like seventeen books.”

“Wow,” she says. “Wait, didn’t they make a TV series about it?”

“Yes! Did you see it?”

She nods eagerly, “I can’t believe they canceled it.”

“Me either!”

“Good thing we’ve got the books to find out how it all ends.”

“Agree,” he laughs a little and they’re having a moment or something and it’s over when Zayn falls on the seat next to him, patting him in the back so hard the spot burns for a few seconds but Liam doesn’t say anything. He keeps his mouth shut and tries to hide his discomfort because he feels like he kind of deserves it.

“Hello, beautiful people,” he greets.

“Hey, Zayn,” Julie replies, her eyes falling back to Liam almost immediately and before the silence is too long she says, “Did you bring it?”

“Yeah,” Zayn replies and takes a textbook out of his backpack and hands it to her. “Thank you, it really helped.”

“Sure,” she says throwing it on her purse. “I’m sure you did great in your exam.”

“I hope so.”

Zayn grins big and Liam knows he’s trying so hard to flirt with her. She gives him an unsure smile and stands up saying she has to meet up with a friend to study. They both nod and Liam says, “Bye, Julie,” at the same time Zayn says, “Bye, beautiful.” She starts walking away but suddenly stops and turns around as if she just remembered something.

“Let me know when can I borrow that book, okay?”

Liam nods and she gives him a huge smile while waving. As soon as she turns around and leaves, Zayn grabs the book Liam has in his hands. He sees the cover and his face falls to the floor.

“No.”

Liam laughs a little, “I was as surprised as you are.”

♡

It’s Liam’s birthday and there’s only one thing he wants to do: get really drunk.

His parents allow him to have people over that night and they even get him a bunch of bottles and he accepts it as his birthday present gladly. He tells his mom he loves her when she gives him a big bottle of vodka to hide on his room.

At midnight everybody’s there and everybody’s drunk. He sits on top of the stairs and just watches the people interact all around him. He occasionally laughs at people falling or dancing or just doing something stupid and the idea that they’re all here happily drunk because of him, makes him feel like a pretty fucking good person.

He doesn’t know what time it is when he decides to have his traditional birthday shot and walks up to his room. It must be pretty late because most of the people are gone and the ones still there are looking for a place to sleep or are already passed out. He hopes to God nobody’s there because he’d hate having to throw people out of his bed but fortunately the room is empty. Or so he thinks until he walks inside and sees someone on the other side of the room, staring at the wall he has a bunch of papers and pictures and random stuff.

“Julie?” he asks, closing his eyes a bit as if it’d help him focus. It doesn’t do shit. If anything it only makes it harder for him to see. “Is that you?”

“Hey, handsome,” she replies walking towards him and he’s not sure is her until she hugs him and he smells the strawberries, “Happy birthday.”

“Thank you.”

“I’m sorry I was snooping,” she mumbles and he’s having a hard time concentrating because he’s ready to sleep and she smells so good and she’s got lipstick on and he just wants to kiss it away. “I was using the bathroom and then I realized it was your room and I couldn’t help it.”

He understands. He understands what she means because without him even knowing how it happens, he takes two steps forward and grabs her by the back of her neck and presses his lips on her for a second. When he realizes what he’s doing, he takes a step back. He doesn’t count on her following him and kissing him again, hard and fast until them both run out of air.

“Fuck,” he knows this is going to end badly but he’s too drunk to care right now. So he leans down again and the kiss is slow and soft. He kisses her a few more times until his head’s spinning so fast he gets dizzy.

Liam takes the bottle out of his closet and takes a long sip before handing the bottle to her. She raises it a little bit saying she was drinking in his honor and just because it was his birthday before she takes a long sip too. He backs away taking his shirt off at the same time he takes out his shoes and then takes off his jeans before crawling into bed and covering himself with the blankets. He looks at her for a while and then reaches his arms with grabby hands, inviting her in. She takes off her heels and the dress and puts on the shirt hanging on the chair next to her before taking her bra off. She climbs into bed next to him and soon enough he’s face down and his arm lying over her stomach, securing her next to him.

She smiles at him one last time, her fingers playing with the hair on the back of his head and they both fall asleep almost immediately.

♡

“You’re avoiding me,” it’s the first thing Julie tells him after two weeks.

“I’m not,” he replies right away but he really was.

He just doesn’t know how to be around Julie and Zayn at the same time anymore. He’s not sure if Mike knows about the kiss and every minute that passes he feels worse and worse. He figures if he makes sure he sees Zayn when Julie’s nowhere around and avoids Julie completely it’d pass. The moment will be forgotten and he wouldn’t have to talk about it with any of them. He just can’t.

“Bullshit,” she replies. “Would you tell me what’s wrong?”

“I can’t do this,” he starts. And he’s still not sure if he should be telling her this, but he says it anyways, “All I think about when I see you is kissing you again but Zayn’s been in love with you longer than I have and he doesn’t even know and I just can’t bring myself to tell him because I can’t lose him.”

Julie takes a second to reply as if absorbing what Liam just said. She frowns and when she speaks again it sounds harsher than what she planned, but she couldn’t do anything about it, “So you’re giving up.”

“I’m sorry,” he says and he hates the way his voice cracks.

He wants to say more. He wants to tell her how his heart stops every time she smiles at him and how badly he wants to kiss her every time she’s wearing lipstick so that their mouths would look like a mess. But he can’t. All he can do right now is walk away. But before he does, he grabs the book from his backpack and leaves it in front of her. She looks at him expectantly and he smiles sadly. There’s not much he can do to show her that he actually cares about her so he does that and hopes that’s enough.

It is. But just for a while.

♡

He’s miserable.

They both are and it’s so hard to ignore each other when they have classes together and like to have lunch in the same place. But that always happens. Every time you’re trying to avoid someone, the whole universe conspires to make you seem them everywhere. And every time, Julie has the book in her hands. It’s not even on her purse or anything, it’s always right there with her and on top of her books and he has seen her reading it a few times and others just staring at it, her fingers dancing over the letters and he wishes he knew what she’s thinking.

Sometimes, when he sees her clench her fists while looking at the book, he thinks that maybe Julie feels as miserable as he does. But he has to shake those thoughts out of his mind right away because they tend to scale quickly and make him want to kiss the misery out of her.

♡

Liam curses out loud when he sees Zayn sitting next to Julie on the cafeteria.

He wants to strangle his friend and he feels like a complete idiot standing there looking at them as if they were freaks. He takes a deep breath and tights his grip on the trail he’s carrying his and Zayn’s lunch and tells himself to _man the fuck up_. He can’t ignore her forever and something like that was meant to happen sooner or later. Besides, it’s been almost a month. He can do this. He walks over the table and let himself fall on the chair while saying a short what’s up leaving his mouth and he’s pretty fucking proud of himself. He can do this. He can actually do this.

“Thanks, man,” Zayn replies picking up his sandwich and leaving five bucks next to his hand. Liam grabs the money, puts it in his pocket, bites on his sandwich and he can do this. “Julie here was telling me how much she likes the book you lend her,” Zayn murmurs after he swallows and Liam’s eyes fly to her face immediately. He doesn’t mean to, it’s just a reflex and she smiles at him sweetly while nodding and _fuck_ , he can’t do this.

“Really?” he asks because he needs time to think what to say.

“Yeah,” she replies. “It’s really good.”

“I’m glad you liked it,” he nods.

Her smile grows because she knows he’s trying and somehow it makes him feel less like shit seeing her smile like that.

“I’ll go get some ketchup, I’ll be right back,” Zayn murmurs while standing up and Liam wants to scream something like _sit the fuck down_ but he just nods and then it’s so awkward he actually thinks about standing up and leaving too.

“I miss you,” Julie breathes and fuck, fuck, fuck, _fuck_. “It’s funny, we didn’t really talk much but I just feel like throwing up every time I see you because I know I can’t talk to you at all.”

“You can talk to me,” he replies and he can barely hear himself. “You can talk to me if you want to.”

“I do want to,” she replies. “But you’ve been acting so weird around me lately, I almost feel you’re going to scream muder and run away if I try to come up to you and say hi.”

“I’m sorry,” he really is. If he felt like shit earlier, he feels hundred times worse right now.

“Still, I’m glad to know,” she murmurs. “I know you wish you hadn’t told me but I’m glad you did.”

Liam nods at her and he feels like he can breathe again when he says, “I miss you too.”

Julie smiles sadly at him and lets out a sigh looking at something above his head and Liam doesn’t have to look behind him to know its Zayn.

“We’ll figure it out,” it’s the last thing Julie’s able to say before Zayn sits next to her again, telling them about some guy with this _fucking awesome_ afro.

♡

Liam looks at his hands and smiles at the little circle of shot glasses full of tequila and lemons.

They all scream something Liam doesn’t understand and doesn’t even want to know what it is, they lick the salt on the side of their hands, take the shot and throw the slice of lemon in their mouths as fast as they can. The alcohol burns the way down Liam’s throat and he shudders a bit, smiling at his friends who are ready to take another shot. He coughs a little and moves to get some orange juice to mix it with his drink. He can’t do any more shots. He, however, can’t stop drinking. He hugs his best friend and Zayn knows. He just knows something’s wrong and so he plays with the hair in the back of his neck, kisses behind his ear, and waits for Liam to say something. He doesn’t, though. He just hides his face on his neck for a bit and there Liam feels like the biggest piece of shit on earth because he’s actually looking for comfort on his best friend’s arms for being in love with the same girl he is.

“Wanna talk ‘bout it?” Zayn asks pushing him away just a little bit and very slowly so he wouldn’t go far.

Liam looks at him for a while and he wants to tell him the whole thing but he just shakes his head. “Let’s just drink about it.”

Zayn smiles and pours some tequila in two shot glasses.

“Drink up, then.”

♡

The next Monday, he walks in the library looking for Zayn but he finds Julie instead. She’s listening to music while writing something from a book onto her notebook, her feet moving to the beat and her lips moving a bit as if she was singing and Liam’s heart swells up. She sees him approaching and takes off her earphones, a smile growing on her face but he doesn’t see it because he’s staring at his shoes. He’s so embarrassed.

“I’m so sorry,” he starts not letting her greet him and the words come out in a rush that is actually hard to understand what he’s saying and he’s not even sure they make sense. “I was really drunk and nervous when I texted you. Zayn wanted to talk about it but I couldn’t, you know, I can’t just tell him by accident when I’m fucked up, that’d make a dick. And you probably think I’m an idiot for all the things I said and they didn’t even make sense and I’m so, so sorry.”

“Liam,” she calls him and he stops right away. He takes a deep breath and turns around his eyes still on the ground. He was ready to leave and he hates himself a little for stopping because now she was going to tell him and she doesn’t want to see him ever again. And he’s getting ready for that, to being insulted or something, but instead, she says, “Thank you.”

“What?”

“Thank you,” she repeats with a smile. “I didn’t know you write poems.”

“I’m really bad at it that’s why no one knows. It’s stupid.”

“It’s not! You’re really good.”

“Still, I’m sorry I sent them, you probably didn’t need to read all of that.”

Julie laughs a little and it’s her turn to look down, embarrassed. She shakes her head as if she couldn’t believe what she’s about to say but she says it anyways, “You wouldn’t believe all the texts I stopped myself from sending you.”

He wants to ask about it because he’s not sure if he heard her right but then Zayn’s there, and Liam doesn’t know what to do with himself.

“What are you guys talking about?”

“Drunk texts,” Julie replies.

“Really?”

“Yeah,” she nods. “I was just saying that I don’t understand why some people don’t like drunk texts. Like, you’re the only person they’re thinking about when their brain can’t even function properly. I think there’s something nice about that, don’t you?”

Both boys nod their heads not sure what to say next and they both wonder if she’s ever thought about sending them something while she was drunk. Liam hears her voice on his head repeating what she said before Zayn showed up, his knees shake and he almost falls to the floor.

♡

“There are so many things I wish I could tell you that I can’t,” he whispers and he finds it funny the sound of his own voice. And even funnier the way he can barely pronounce the words right, it’s like he has to force his tongue to move and form the words.

“Like what?” she replies and she’s not drunk at all. You could smell the vodka mixed with the strawberries of her hair and she moves slowly, probably because she’s tired, but her words sound perfect and her eyes are wide. She’s not drunk at all and that makes Liam’s heart hurt for some reason.

“I miss you too,” he whispers. “I’m the one who pushes you away and I miss you so much when you’re not around.”

“I know,” she nods, moving closer and closer until the top of her head rests on his shoulder.

He wants to say more but he’s so drunk he’s not sure he’d be able to. Julie doesn’t ask again which is good. She just lays there next to him, doing little circles on his chest with the tip of her finger which is pretty distracting for him.

“Sometimes I wish I were things,” he says because he has to. He has to say something, anything, so we can stop the desire to talk.

Julie laughs a little and looks up at him. He feels it but he doesn’t move his eyes from the ceiling because he’s pretty sure he’d kiss her if he saw how close her lips were to his.

“What would you like to be?”

“Vodka,” he laughs along with her. He really does say the weirdest shit when he’s drunk. “Vodka never disappoints.”

“I agree.”

They stay quiet after that. Liam’s eyes start to feel heavy and he closes his arm around Julie at the same time he kisses the top of her head before getting comfortable in bed. He wants her to stay and he thought he did a good job showing her that but he's still glad when she whispers, just to make sure they're on the same page here, “I’m tired. Is it okay if I stay here?”

“Of course, baby,” he breathes and he’s not sure if he actually said it or if it was a dream but he closes his arm tighter around her just in case. He’s too gone to care about if he’s still awake or not, or the people outside the room, trashing his friend’s house.

♡

The next Friday, a week after waking up alone and smelling the faint smell of strawberries on his shirt making his head spin at the realization that it wasn’t a dream, he finds himself staring at the clock, wishing time move faster so he can leave his aunt’s house and go to the party.

It’s eight already and she’ll be home in an hour so he finds her son, Peter, and sits next to him to finish watching the movie and then put him to bed.

“Liam, how does it feel like to be in love?” the five year-old asks and Liam screams in his head because he’s thought about it a lot lately.

“Well, kiddo,” he starts and he’s so ready to lie to his little cousin, but he promised he would never lie to him and at the end of the day he might as well share his thoughts on the subject with someone, you know, tell him the truth. His truth. “It feels like you’ve had too much vodka.”

“What?”

“Yeah, being in love is like being drunk.”

“That doesn’t make any sense!”

“I promise you, when you get older you’ll understand.” He replies. “When you’re old enough to drink and you still want to know and you haven’t found a pretty girl who you really really like, drink half bottle of vodka in an hour or two. How you feel when you’re drunk, that’s love. How you feel the next morning, well, that’s really close to heartbreak.”

Peter thinks about it for a while, a frown on his face. “Is that why mommy says love’s stupid? Because people do dumb things when their drunk?”

Liam smiles at the little kid and while squeezing his shoulder he says, “You’re pretty smart for a two year-old.”

“I’m five!” he squeals, hitting him on the shoulder without strength.

Liam pretends to be hurt and his hand flies to his arms and apologizes. Peter’s still thinking, Liam can almost see the flow of thoughts going from one side to another at the speed of light inside the little boy’s head.

“It’s late, kid.” He says because he doesn’t want to talk about it anymore and because her aunt will skin him alive if she came home and Peter wasn’t already asleep. “Your mom’s gonna be home soon so go brush your teeth and go to bed.”

Peter stands up and at the bottom of the stairs he turns around and says, “If I do the vodka thing, you’ll take care of me, right?”

“Of course, kiddo,” he replies immediately with a warm smile. “Always.”

♡

Six hours later, Liam’s sure he can’t even say his name right.

His back touches the wall and before he knows it, he’s sitting down on the floor, his hands in between his legs and his head almost falling on his shoulder. The room starts spinning and he wants to throw up but he holds it down. He feels like he’s going to cry when he finds Julie dancing her way to the room he was in. She takes another sip of vodka before putting the bottle down on a table and walking to the center of the room, one of her hands forming a gun and the other one supporting it by the wrist. She takes a deep breath and soon she starts shooting. She shoots all the people in there, leaving him last since he was behind her. As soon as she does the “pew” with her mouth his hand flies to his chest and she looks at him with wide eyes as if she had shot the wrong person and her hands fall to either side of her, one of them still a gun.

“Liam?” she whispers and it’s broken but he doesn’t open his eyes while he starts falling to his side. His breath is shaking while lying completely on the floor and then he just stops. His hands fall to either side of him and his breathing slows down so fast it almost looks as if he really stopped breathing. Julie’s heart skips a bit and falls onto her knees next to him. She lies down too, supporting herself up with her elbow and her fingertips brush against his skin making him shudder when he realizes she hasn’t opened her hand. She leans down and kisses him very softly, her lips quivering, and murmurs something he can’t quite understand but that sounds a lot like _I’m so sorry_. He feels the air leaving her mouth and he hears the _pew_ in his head even though she didn’t say it loud enough. She lets her head fall on his shoulders and there, pretending to had shot herself in the head, she falls asleep.

Liam feels like ten or twenty years pass before he falls asleep too.

(It was only a second or two.)

♡

Liam gets a letter saying that he got an internship in one of the best companies in New York Monday morning and he’s so excited that when he sees Julie, he hugs her tight and kisses her neck all the way up to her mouth while telling her the good news. When he lets go and sees her face, he knows he fucked up. He doesn’t know what he did wrong, though.

“Are you drunk already?” she asks, and it sounds harsh.

“What?”

“I’m just wondering, since you seem to not care if other people see you kissing me right now.”

And the words make Liam’s stomach twist. He could throw up right now or maybe even pass out, but he doesn’t do either. Instead he looks down at his shoes and swallows the bump on his throat so he can talk.

“I don’t have to be drunk to feel this way about you,” he whispers, and his voice shakes in a way that makes him think he’s about to swim in his own tears. “Drunk or not, it’ll always be you.”

“It doesn’t matter anymore,” Julie shakes her head. “It’s done. I'm done.”

And that’s that.

♡

Later that day, Zayn’s sitting next to Julie (of course, that’s just his luck) at the table outside Liam’s class. He walks up to them, his knees weakening when Julie looks up at him and her lips press against each other almost forming a line. She throws everything in her bag as fast as she can and before Liam reaches the table she’s already walking away. Zayn watches her go, confusion written all over his face. He looks at Liam for a second, then back a Julie, and Liam again.

“What was that?” Zayn asks and Liam just shakes his head. He lets his body fall into the sit and he prays for the ground to spilt open so he can jump inside and disappear forever. “Liam, tell me,” he pushes but decides not to anymore once his eyes find Liam’s and he can see the pain in them. “Fine,” he says instead. “You’re gonna tell me anyways, so I’ll wait ‘til you grow some fuckin’ balls, man.”

The moment passes and Liam wants to scream. He never knows how to get past any situation like that. Julie’s mad at him, Zayn’s questioning everything and _should I tell him? Should I run?_ But he just stands up and turns around, ready to leave, his fist at both sides of his body grabbing his jeans. And he has to focus on keeping them there; otherwise he’d kick the shit out of himself.

“I’m sorry,” he says at his best friend but he’s still not able to look back at him. “I’m having a really shitty day.”

“You don’t trust me anymore, Liam?” Zayn questions and his voice is so soft and so unusual that Liam’s heart fall to the floor. “Am I that bad at being your best friend?”

“No,” he finally turns around and he wishes they were home. He wishes they were alone and that he could wrap his around Zayn and kiss his face all over, just like they used to when they were kids and one of them was upset. He probably can, (it’s Zayn, after all) and that makes his chest feel a bit less heavy. “You’re the best friend anyone could ever have.”

“Are you going tell me what’s wrong?”

And _this is it_ , Liam thinks. _I can’t fuck up any more than this, can I?_ , and before he even realizes, he’s nodding his head and motion Zayn to stand up.

“I’d rather be blindly drunk for that.”

Zayn gives him a smug smile and says, “we can do that. It’s already five o’clock somewhere, right?”

♡

It’s the second time they get too drunk before Liam’s able to utter a word about it. The next day, just like before, Liam doesn’t say anything and Zayn doesn’t ask.

♡

It’s only a few days later when Zayn talks to him about it. Liam didn’t tell him, Zayn just figured something was wrong, put all the pieces together and _voilà_. It all made sense then. He also talked about it with Julie. Or tried to, at least, before Julie shut her book and said “I can’t split you two up” and walked away.

“Does she love you?” is the first thing Zayn says. He sits in front of Liam who’s staring at his tray, his food untouched. He’s not even pretending to eat this time; he’s just staring at it.

“What?”

“Julie,” Zayn clarifies.

Liam stares at him for a second because how the fuck does he know? What happened? Who told him? Did he say it while drunk? Does he hate him? Is it the end of their friendship?

“Does she love you too?” He asks again.

“I… I think so.”

“Then what the fuck are you doing, dude?”

Liam blinks, he can’t believe this.

“But you-“

“Fuck that,” Zayn spits before Liam can say anything else. “Julie and I were never meant to be, I’ve known it for a long time.”

“What?”

“I can’t believe I didn’t notice before,” he laughs a little. “I just wanted her to like me so bad that I didn’t pay attention to anything else. Like the other day, I was on my way to met you at the parking lot, right, and you were listening to music while writing something on that stupid notebook of yours and I saw her staring at you. She smiled a bit sometimes even laughed every time you frowned and then she’d bite her lip when you seemed to have found the right words for whatever it was you were writing and I just thought, you know, she thought you were a dumbfuck just like I did at that moment. But it all makes sense now, doesn’t it? She never liked me because she’d always loved you.”

Liam blinks again. He swallows and feels his hands shake.

“Fuck.”

“Yeah,” Zayn agrees. Then, after a long silence and in much a softer voice he asks again, “What the fuck are you doing, dude?”

Liam covers his face with his hands because he doesn’t know. _I don’t know, I’m an idiot, I don’t know, I don’t know..._

“Let’s go fix this, alright? You fucking dumbass.”

♡

Liam's heart almost jumps out of his chest when Julie opens the door. She stands still for a second or two, clearly not knowing what to do, and Liam waits for her to react. He waits for the worst but she just sighs while crossing her arms over her chest and stares at him with her left eyebrow raised.

"I'm an idiot," Liam says and it's not what he planned at all but he'd get there.

(Eventually.

Soon.

Hopefully.)

"No shit, Sherlock," she replies and maybe it's because he hasn't heard her voice in days or because he's never heard Julie curse or just because it's her but hearing her say curse turned him on. His imagination ran wild and he imagines other scenarios where he'd make her curse but stops faster than he’d thought he would. It really wasn't the time.

"I'm sorry," he mumbles. "I was scared and an idiot and I didn't know how to handle it but I do now and...," he trails off, finally looking at her and the thought he’s processing out loud stops all at once and a new one begins immediately. "God, I'm so in love with you, it's ridiculous. I don't even know how I was able to stop myself from kissing you every time I saw you."

Julie’s expression softness at that and even though she’s not saying anything, Liam knows he’s doing so far so good.

“I got you something,” he says then and he holds the present in the air for a few seconds before Julie finally extends her hands to accept it.

“Vodka,” she says staring at the bottle in her hands. “You got me vodka.”

Julie starts saying in a condescending voice how clever his idea was, and how good his apology looks in the back of the bottle, and after a few seconds Liam just takes a deep breath, and he’s ready to do it.

“It’s because I feel drunk every time I see you,” he exclaims ad that’s all he need to shut Julie up. But he has to say a whole more to fix this. And if he’s being completely honest, is not like he can just shut up now. “Isn’t that how love is supposed to feel? I just, I’m sorry. I really am, Julie. I was afraid that I was going to lose one of you two and I just can’t stand the idea of it. I love you both so much, please, don’t make me choose. Please.”

“Nobody ever asked you to choose,” Julie says and it’s Liam’s turn to shut up. “No one will ever ask you to choose between us, you should’ve known that.”

“I do now,” he urges. Takes another breath and then, “Please, Julie.”

Julie smiles at the bottle and then at Liam, she says, “Vodka never disappoints, huh?” and Liam knows he’s forgiven.

♡

Liam looks at empty bottle of vodka and knows that this is just the beginning.

Thinking back, he’s not entirely sure how he ended up in this situation or when they decided to move the fuck on and started acting like adults but he’s glad they did. He’s not entirely sure how Zayn was able to do all of this without any help, but his best friend keeps on surprising him. And he definitely wasn’t expecting Zayn to actually look at his date as if she hung to moon. But he stopped worrying about his friend’s heart when he noticed that she was looking back at him in the same way.

“So how did you guys met?” the blond sitting next to Zayn, Perrie, asks them and Liam puts his glass down while looking at Julie who just took a bite out of her food, and knows he has to answer.

“We met in school thanks to Zayn, actually.”

“I used to have a thing for her,” Zayn says and everybody laughs when Julie almost chokes on her food. He grins at her and keeps talking, “Then my friend here fell in love with her but never told me.”

“How did you find out?”

“It took me a while, actually,” he replies looking at his date. “He only told me bits and I couldn’t make sense of it until other people started noticing something was off between them two and it all made sense then.”

“Did Liam tell you how he felt or you just had to figurate it out all out, too?” Perrie asks Julie. Then, in a rush and with her cheeks going red, she looks down at the table and mumbles, “I’m so nosy, I’m sorry. Of course, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

“Liam’s great at keeping secrets,” Julie smiles and it’s enough for Perrie to relax and smile shyly back at her. “Except when he’s drunk.”

“Which is all the time,” Zayn mutters under his breath.

“’S true,” Liam says with a devilish smile. “I’ve know Zayn all my life. So don’t worry, a few more drinks and I’ll be telling you all his funny-cute-embarrassing stories. You’re gonna love ‘em!”

Perrie smiles the same way as Liam grabbing her glass of wine while raising it in the air, and he knows they’re all going to be good friends. “Drink up, then.”

**Author's Note:**

> [xcaffeinerush.tumblr.com](http://xcaffeinerush.tumblr.com)


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